Any parent has likely heard the phrase, “the days are long, but the years are short.” The years may be short, but my son, Josiah, definitely isn’t! It seems like just yesterday he was a tiny toddler running around the house and now I have an 18-year-old young man who is almost as tall as me (I’m 6’4).

Josiah

And as much as Josiah has grown, well, so have I. When he was diagnosed with autism at the age of two, I knew life would look a bit different. Things haven’t always played out like they do in parenting books or the way they have for friends of mine who have kids. But if I’ve learned anything after all these years, it’s that my journey as a father might not look the same as others’, but we always hit the milestones in our own unique ways and our own distinct timing.

From the moment I learned I was going to become a dad to a little son, I remember being excited about doing the things that I have fond memories of doing with my own father–playing catch, funny conversations while driving to sports practice, following our favorite sports teams. For years the motor skills that it takes to play most sports–even adaptive sports–were difficult for Josiah to engage with. I was fine with that and was happy to join him in whatever he was interested in at the time, but there was still that part of me that longed to have a game of catch in the backyard.

Practicing the art of “shoe-kicking”

Josiah has been in the habit lately of kicking off his shoe. He’s actually quite impressive with how far and high he can kick it! One day on a trail, another walker came by and after seeing one of Josiah’s “shoe kicks” said, “He’s better than any kicker the Vikings have!”

We started to develop our own little games around this shoe kicking. Lately it’s evolved into what can best be described as a “father-son shoe kicking/frisbee throwing extravaganza.” We’ve spent countless hours this year at parks perfecting our craft. Josiah waits patiently as I wind up and release the frisbee and then he kicks his shoe off. He laughs as I tell him that we’re training for the Paris Olympics this summer and are sure to bring home a gold medal for the USA!

Some amazing things have happened during these activities. One day we had a ball with us, and I kicked it to him. He kicked it back. And this went on for quite a while. Suddenly it dawned on me that after all these years, we were playing ball together! Between this and the ”shoe tossing” it may not look like what I would have envisioned, but it actually became a much more beautiful and profound moment for me than had it been the way I had originally thought it would be.

Josiah is nonspeaking and communicates with a letterboard. I’m constantly in awe of the poetry he writes and the deep thoughts he has. I love that he can spell out what kind of music he wants to listen to on our car rides, and my heart swells as I see him bopping his head to the beloved nostalgic pop music I enjoyed when I was his age. He too loves U2 now!

The Cullens at the annual Luau

Josiah’s also showing an interest in other things I never would have imagined years ago. My wife, Tahni, and I have always enjoyed photography and this year she bought him a camera. He needs a little extra help, so we got him a handle grip to keep the camera steady, and it’s been fun to see him decide what he wants to take pictures of out at our long-time favorite spots, like Franconia Sculpture Park.

I’m proud as a father of all the things Josiah has accomplished. It makes my heart swell to see what a caring, compassionate young man he is. We were looking for additional ways to hone his fine motor skills and since he’s had family members affected by cancer, he started assembling care packs to deliver to hospitals, nursing homes, etc. It’s been a great way for him to work on various skills while also blessing others in need.

I wish I could go back in time and tell a younger version of myself not to be so worried when first receiving that autism diagnosis. Sure, things haven’t always been easy, but we always get there in our own unique and often unexpected ways as I continue to cheer on my wonderful, newly adult son.

Joe Cullen is a Communication Specialist at Hammer & NER.