Sharing the journey of a sibling with special needs

Growing up: Tiffany (lower left) with her family
Michelle Olson is a Hammer & NER Board member. She and her husband, Steve, utilized NER’s former respite program to help care for their daughter, Tiffany (Tiff), when she was younger. Their other daughters, Chrissie and Nikki, grew up observing the care and commitment that was needed to take care of their sister.
Today Chrissie and her husband, Dave, live in Lino Lakes and have three young children. Chrissie works full-time as a nurse and health coach. Nikki and her husband, Sam, reside in Shoreview and also have three children. Nikki is a cosmetologist but is currently a stay-at-home mom. With young children of their own, Chrissie and Nikki are navigating the path of caring for a sibling with a disability along with their parents. They share their experience of working together to ensure Tiffany is living her best life.
Chrissie and Nikki, you are both busy moms with a sister you love. How do you spend your time with her?
CHRISSIE: Tiffany loves Disney movies, going back to the ones we watched together when we were little. She also loves to color. Her backpack that she carries around is filled with crayons and markers. We all get together at our parents’ home. Most of the time she lights up when she sees our kids. If she’s not in a great mood, seeing us will shift that. Our kids like to spend time in her room with her.
NIKKI: She also loves beading, stickers, and arts and crafts like painting little figures. She loves thunderstorms and trains too. We drive around to see trains passing by. She likes getting her hair done and playing dress up. I coordinate with Mom and Dad to see when she’s going to be with them, and then I bring my kids, and we hang out. Tiffany is just happy that we’re there and enjoying each other’s company.
Tiffany came to NER through the former respite program before moving into the Norway home. How did this affect the dynamics of your family?

The Olson family today
NIKKI: I remember when Tiff started going to respite care. She had a constant need for care, so this meant we could have a few hours or a night with our parents. When she moved to a group home, the dynamic at home changed—there was more room to breathe, and our parents could put more time into me and Chrissie. It was hard for Tiff at first and hard for us to adjust to not having her here. But when we got acclimated to the new reality it made our bonds stronger. We’re still able to keep that bond which is beautiful. Tiff’s comfort level at Norway has continued to grow.
CHRISSIE: I think the transition to the group home was probably harder on us than Tiff: She had a better transition than we expected because she got to go into a home where she already knew people (from respite). It changed our relationship with her and one another because we weren’t worried about taking care of her all the time.
How has your relationship with your sister changed over the years? Are you involved with planning for Tiffany’s future?

Tiffany with Norway staff Fatou, Bobbie, and Elly
NIKKI: I allow the people who care for her to do their job. It’s hard, because I want things to go a certain way, but they have guidelines they have to follow. I want to be involved with her care. I check with my parents about what’s being done with her, any changes, any issues, and how we will move forward. She’s been in the hospital many times (due to grand mal seizures) and needs a lot of extra care. I try to be there to help with that. The staff do everything they can to care for her. She’s very happy there. I want to be a part of it.
CHRISSIE: There’s been a lot of change over the last few years. It makes us think deeper about how things will be going forward as our parents get older. We have families of our own and it’s changed our relationship with her. We don’t see her as much as we would like. As far as planning for her care, Mom keeps us in the loop. I know that will change eventually (and we’ll take on more of that).
(Tiffany is pictured above at her 30th birthday party with her sisters, Nikki and Chrissie.)
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